Glory in Tribulations

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. (Rom 5.1-5)

It's been a minute since I've been here. I used to feel really guilty about my lapses in writing but I have come to learn that when I am not writing I am being filled, fed, educated, broadened, deepened and informed by life so that I will have something of value to write.

The above scripture is my meditation for today and really speaks to a crucial understanding that God has brought me to over the past several years and particularly over the past several months.

As you may gather from my previous blog entries, I've been deeply challenged in my marriage. My relationship with my husband has suffered many setbacks and disappointments. There have been times when it looked like we really wouldn't make it! Even today, our road may seem quite precarious looking from the outside in. Shoot! Looking from the inside out, it looks that way too!

What sustains me is that God has a purpose and a promise for marriage and as in all things God's promise provides for the trials and tribulations that we face. Romans 5: 1-5 speaks to God acknowledging that in this life we will experience hurt and pain and have trouble coping and making the right decisions, we will lose our way and lose hope: " but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:"

I found myself getting so frustrated when I would go to friends for comfort or advice. I felt bad at first because I started thinking something was wrong with ME because they were trying to be so helpful and I wasn't feeling comforted or feeling with my heart that what they were saying was right for me. I know they may have had the best of intentions but something very important was missing.

Our society fosters this idea that a "successful" relationship is this conflict f ree existence in which two people bring the best of who they are to the table and make life glorious for one another. No wonder everybody is getting divorced. And to those out there who would respond with "Not EVERYBODY! There are some really good relationships out there!" I say..."Get real!" Of course not EVERYBODY! I know that, but when I look around at the real lives of real people that I know, I clearly can see that I am not the only one suffering. These challenges and conflicts are the norm, not the exception, yet we are still brainwashed by this fantasy that love comes wrapped in this comfy, blemish free box-with-a-bow and that we should keep trying one another on and taking each other off like articles of clothing until we find the one that is the 'perfect fit'.

Only, we are not pairs of jeans or designer blouses. We all come with a complex history and an emotional framework that is impacted with every word, every touch, every kiss, and every tear we cry. God's word provides for this. God's word gives us a way to go to the source of the supernatural power that is LOVE and access solutions to problems we as human's don't begin to have the power to solve on our own.

I feel so sorry for those who think they have it all sown up, that they are so strong, so intelligent, so stable, so loving that they are making it happen all on their own. One day that house of cards came tumbling down on me and the truth has been revealed. It's not all about us.

Because of God's word, and His promise, it is possible to be a real human being with all our good, bad and recurring ugly and maintain a relationship, much like the way Christ maintains His relationship with us. No matter how many times we mess up, He's there, willing to give us another chance. It takes making unconditional love more than a concept. It has to be the tool we use to hammer things back into place. It has to be the measuring stick by which we gauge how far we are willing to go to get through to the other side of an issue.

I love this phrase my pastor used in church recently. "God wants to redeem your mind so that your imagination can be changed. What can God do in this situation?" I had to accept that if I really want to love someone, if I let God guide me, He'll show me things I never could have seen before and He has seen me through situations I once thought insurmountable.

What He won't do is guarantee me that me or my lover will become perfect or he will suddenly just "totally get me" all the time, or that I will suddenly love every single thing about him or that we will always be on the same page or that those ugly old issues will never rear their heads again. He has taught me some hard lessons and show me some difficult truths about myself and the one I love and He continues to allow me to have experiences that remind that God's love is the one and only "perfect" thing we have. He shows me that this life we live is just a practice run for a greater life and that this is not my home. And my husband, however important he may be to me must come second to God because he is not my God.

I have learned that God's word is a cover, a tool, a resource and an education. God's word has kept me and I have a joy and gratitude in my heart that is just indescribable.

Stay in Gratitude,
Fisiwe