Biting Sugar Bullets

I got an e-mail today, urging me to call my senators' offices to inform them that I strongly support the public health insurance option.

In all actuality, I do. Yet, I still felt a stinging apprehension to call.

A windfall of thoughts went racing through my head and along with them their accompanying physical sensations beset me.

I was scared to call! I was nervous. I was doubtful. I was cynical even (I think). I thought and felt a lot of things that really almost kept me from making the call!

The thought that propelled me to finally pick up the phone and dial the numbers was that I today I made a dr. appointment since I am still under my husband's insurance. That won't be true for long. And when this changes, I'll again be one of the millions of American's who has no medical insurance and practically no hope of being able to afford any.

So I called. The voice on the other end shocked me. Instead of yelling at me or rudely reproaching me for interrupting, condescending to me or blowing me off, he welcomed me, and asked what he could do for me. When I explained, probably a bit haltingly (I was still nervous) he told me cheerily how glad he was to let the senator know I had called.

Now, hold up! I was so releived and my genuine concern for the matter of which I had called felt free to assert itself. I asked him with more confidence, "How is your office keeping track of these calls?" I needed to know what would happen when I hung up the phone.

"Well, we tally the comments and present them to the Senator."

I was feeling myself by now! "Ok. Is there any way I can receive something that lets me know your office acknowledged my call on this matter?"

"We can surely do that! Let me get a pen...if I can find one around here...and I'll get your information."

Man! I was stoked! So much so, I immediately dialed the second Senator's number. Unfortunately, I didn't get anyone, just the answering machine. But, I felt so good! So productive!

Just a few short minutes ago I was sweating bullets at the thought of exercising my right and responsibility to make my concerns known to the public officials who get paid to represent what is important to me. Only, how would he know what is important to me? I've never called him to tell him before!

I think it is there in the empty spaces left by our ambiguity and fear that the truth of democracy gets lost. For the one call I made today, there are millions of Americans out there who will not call, but who like me need a public health option if we are to have any chance at ever having affordable health care.

Despite all the apprehension and initial discomfort I felt, I bit the bullet and made the call which made a difference as significant in the world as I am in just a couple of minutes. And the bullet tasted sweet!

Maybe I'm developing a sweet tooth. I'm already wondering what I can do next.

Stay in Gratitude,
Fisiwe